The last time I wrote to you on this issue, I focused more on purpose and self-discovery. (Here's the link to the first episode: https://benjaminibe.com.ng/dear-chioma-before-you-say-yes-to-him/single)

This time around I’d love to focus more on what that brother believes in, both by convictions and doctrine. Because for marriage, that a brother is born again isn’t enough. You might not agree, but that is the truth. I hope to be brief in this letter, as I wouldn't want to bore you with plenty of words.

Now here are a few issues I’d want to know his stands on:

1. Discipleship: Does he think discipleship is important? Is he submitting to any man/woman? What does he think of your belief in discipleship, does he think it's one of those archaic Christian practices that are no longer necessary? Does he have a man that can call him to order, a man he honours and respects?

I want to tell you that a man who has not been discipled has not become like Christ, and he would not know how to love you like Christ loves the church. And you stand a chance of being used as a punching bag soon.

2. Tongues and the baptism of the Holy Ghost: Is he baptised in the Holy Ghost with the evidence of tongues? Or is he among those Christians that make a mockery of speaking in tongues? Dear Chioma, you can't marry him if your answer to these questions is yes. This is because you won't be allowed to pray in tongues in his house. Can you imagine how suffocating that would be for you? 

Does he make a mockery of other manifestations of the gifts of the Holy Ghost like Prophecy, discernment, word of wisdom, etc? In fact, if he is not yet baptised in the Holy Ghost, he should get it first before thinking of marrying you.

3. If Jesus is God: Are you surprised seeing this here? So was I recently when I saw people arguing about the “GOD-NESS OF JESUS CHRIST'' online. Can you imagine the audacity of their ignorance! I know you might wonder if these people making such arguments are Christians and the answer is yes, or so they said. I believe they also attend a church where such theology is peddled.

Dear Chioma, this is just one of the many false teachings in circulation. This is also why many elders often advocate that you marry someone with the same spiritual upbringing or background as you. This doesn't have to be someone from the same denomination or fellowship. Because beyond a smelling nice, polished accent, broad chest and the other items on your list, if you end up with a brother who drinks from a strange source you will regret it.

 4. Tithe: This one is highly controversial. But this is what I must say, if you believe in tithing, then settle it very well with him before saying yes to him. You do not want to rebel against your head when he says not to pay tithe regardless of the effect it's having on your finances.

Know this, you are not cursed if you don’t pay tithe, but you are blessed if you do. The choice is yours.

5. Temper: Is he hot-tempered? Do little things make him angry? Run for your life if he can't change now. Don't claim to be the assistant Holy Spirit that would change him after your wedding. If you can't change him now, you won't change him later. It's not in your office to change men, that is the exclusive reserve of the Holy Ghost.

Dear Chioma, belief systems if not harmonized between man and wife can wreck a marriage. You need to take your time, hear God clearly, before saying yes to this wonderful brother.

Grace be multiplied unto you.